By Lonnie Ferry
Should you stay or should you go? That’s the toughest question you’ll ever have to ask yourself during a failing marriage. When I realized that my marriage was over, I debated with myself constantly over the many reasons to stay and the many reasons to go until I realized that the signs were there all along giving me the answers I needed. So what are the top 5 major signs to look for in order to know when your marriage is over and it’s time to divorce?
1.) Do You Fantasize Your Spouse Is Dead? I’m so ashamed to admit this but I would sometimes fantasize my then wife would be gone from my life for good. Naturally, death was the easiest scenario to envision as it would set me free from the marriage without having to explain the why or experience any of the trauma of an actual divorce. As bad as this is for me to admit, the “spouse is dead” type day dream is quite common among troubled marriages and it’s just that—a harmless fantasy; nothing more. It’s human nature not to want to be considered “the bad guy” and you’ll certainly have your fair share of friends, family members, or even some peers who’ll believe that the divorce was all your fault no matter if it is or isn’t. So never stay in a marriage just because of the fear of what others might think and if you find yourself planning the fantasy funeral of your spouse; take this as a huge sign that your marriage is already over, because no one would ever wish death upon a person they truly loved. So if you no longer love or cherish your spouse then why stay married to them?
2.) That Feeling In The Pit Of Your Stomach. If you begin to experience this annoying sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach whenever you’re about to head home or see your spouse again, then this is another clear sign your marriage is over. The reason for this feeling stems from the slow dwindling of your love over time until only dread is left in its place. Let’s face it your spouse should be the one person you want to share all things with and you should want to be around them constantly, so if you’re finding yourself avoiding your spouse at all costs, then your marriage is over; pure and simple. Delaying a divorce now will only make matters worse on all involved. And never stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the children—Know that kids would rather be from a broken home, than to live in one.
3.) Deal Breakers. If you’ve found someone else or if there’s the thought of someone else, take this as a major sign that your marriage is in serious trouble. Cheating always kills a failing marriage for good and if you or your spouse are engaging in this kind of activity, then this is a deal breaker and a sole reason alone to get a divorce–because no one ever cheats on someone they truly love. Let me repeat that–no one ever cheats on someone they truly love. So if your marriage is having infidelity issues, and no one is willing to change or stop the affair(s), it’s time to divorce. Also if you’re suffering from any kind of abuse within the marriage whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional, this too should be considered as a deal breaker. Don’t just walk away from an abusive marriage, RUN AWAY from it! Abuse should never be tolerated—period! You deserve better. If you’re living in constant fear, then leave—even if you have to get the police to escort you out of there—just please go!–No marriage will ever work under abuse– it’s a deal breaker. Time to divorce.
4.) No Sex. This one is the best gauges of a failing marriage. Yes it’s perfectly natural to have a few lulls in your sex life here and there, especially if your marriage has lasted a long time, but to not want to have sex for many months or even years at a time, then this is a clear sign your marriage is in trouble or already over. Unless a medical reason is at issue, all men love to have sex. So far I’ve never met one who didn’t. But both partners should want and dare I say, need to make love to the other frequently. If not? Those reasons should be a sign to get help for your marriage pronto or move on from it and divorce.
5.) Take The Do-Over test. I’ll close with this–Ask yourself this simple question, “Would I marry this person all over again if I had my life to do over?” Really take a moment to think about that question. If the answer to it is, “No”….or if the answer to that is, “Hell No!” Then why stay married to them now? Congrats you have your answer—Life’s too short and divorce may hurt but it won’t kill you…..so if you see these signs in your failing marriage, it’s time to divorce–enjoy your do-over:)
