Divorce: Coming Out Ahead
By Lucas Webb
Let’s face it…Divorce Sucks. So how in the world can you come out ahead before, during, or after your divorce? Let’s dive deep into that question shall we, because the answer to it is the typical government answer–That Depends.
First off, coming out ahead during a divorce is a matter of your proprieties. If your possessions are your life then you’re probably going to feel like you didn’t come out ahead. But if you’re willing to sacrifice a little, (…or a lot;) then coming out ahead will mean more to you than just whether or not you came out of the divorce with that wagon wheel table. (hopefully you’ll get the When Harry Met Sally reference:). Cause let me beat this into your head for a moment: THEY ARE ONLY THINGS!!! All things can easily be replaced. Yes, I know divorce seems like the end of the world, but you’ll soon find out that it’s only the beginning of a new life. It’s a do-over if you will that will certainly lead you to a better-for-you person-or even better, you will become a better-for-you person. If you will keep your priorities straight through the divorce, then let your Ex have that project never finished in the garage, or your childhood set of encyclopedias…cause you know what’s going to happen to all that stuff? It’s just going to stay in a box that you will have to move around for the next 20 years until finally one day you’ll take a load to the dump and it’s among them. Some moral victory, hey? Not quite worth the hassle or the fight in hindsight was it? No, the best revenge you could ever give your Ex is to give them all the crap from your marriage! Let them carry it around with them and store it while you go off and start a brand new life! Now that’s coming out ahead!
Secondly, keep your sense of humor through it all. I know it’s extremely difficult given the fact that naturally it was all your Ex’s fault, right? They are to blame for your current state, right? Wrong! Re-think your state into acceptance and then one of a thousand possibilities for your new beginnings. How bout this for a thought….You are one of the 50% of married people who get to start over again and go find another lover!!! Now that’s exciting. Let the other 50% stay in a dull and wrong-for-them situation, you on the other hand have got your Single back!! See how a sense of humor re-positions your state of thinking from a dark place to a bright place of hope. So during your divorce be as agreeable as possible and why wouldn’t you be after all your Ex is doing you a favor by letting you out this marriage contract that would have never been fixable anyway. Even if you thought everything was perfect until you met Mr./Ms. On-The-Side…Even then, they did you a favor because did you really want to keep spending your life with a cheat? Thank goodness you found out when you did right? Shake their hand they did you a huge favor—They gave you your life back, not the other way around!
Thirdly, all states are temporary. Please re-peat that saying to yourself : All states are temporary. This hurt, pain, denial, anxiety, regret….All these negative emotions that are all stirring up inside you as a result of your divorce, don’t sweat them, they will not last long. This too shall pass…right? Listen, just strive to reach a year after your divorce is final, then you’ll start to notice things ease a bit. The old pain that was once so sharp will slowly start to give way to an acceptance of sorts. Then magically as if a heavy blanket is lifted, one day a smile will cross your face again, then another, then all the sudden you’ve met someone new, or you’ve started that new business you never could of done whilst married—whatever it is, that smile of “Hey I’m on the right track” will come and the distant memories of the previous marriage will be just that– a distant memory. Then guess what? You’ll realize in that moment by letting things go, you did come out ahead after all.
My grandmother used to say, “Never stumble over something that’s behind you!” All the books, candle holders, cars, computers, dishware, homes, sterling silver sets….in the end when it comes right down to it, all this is just crap weighing you down. Trust me, it’s not worth the fight. It’s not worth the time. It’s not worth the resentment. It’s not worth the worry….Stop walking backwards towards things behind you….Instead, run towards what’s ahead!
