By Lucas Webb
If your once perfect Mr. or Mrs. Right turned out to be Mr. or Mrs. “OMG WHAT WAS I THINKING!” then congrats, you’re certainly not alone. About 50% of the US population claims to have been married to the wrong one the first time around. So how on earth can we be confident enough to find the right one the second time around? Here are 5 ways to help you make the second one, the right one:
1. Start with Yourself. It all begins and ends with you. In order to love someone else completely, then you must first love yourself completely. Let’s face it, if you’re not happy with yourself then how can someone else ever be? In order to find a lasting love the second time around you must first define who you are as a person. Once found, do not stray from this mold just to please someone else. Any self esteem issues, insecurities, past trauma, troubles with friends, family, or co-workers…or even all of the above; then these issues MUST be resolved internally before the next person should enter into your life. If not, you’ll just end up repeating the same old struggles that ruined your first marriage and if left unchecked, will most likely ruin the second.
2. Don’t Settle. Ask yourself what is it about me which makes me feel like I deserve less than what I want? Always remember, YOU DESERVE SOMEONE GREAT! Never stop looking for that person. Think of it this way, who really thinks they deserve someone abusive, unloving, or unkind? No one, right? So why settle for a person like this in your life? If it means living by yourself until you find the right one, then by all means live by yourself. Trust me, it’s better to live single and alone than to be in a marriage alone. So never settle; the right one will come along when they’re supposed to—just be patient and keep looking.
3. Educate Yourself. Know, read, and study everything you can get your hands on about making a relationship work. Funny we take the time to study for our jobs, hobbies, or anything we wish to achieve; yet very few of us ever take the time to study the topic of making a relationship work. In other words, we’re guilty of always preparing for the wedding but never for the whole marriage. Gaining knowledge should be the first step towards anything, especially something as important as selecting the one to spend the rest of your life with. Luckily for us, there are thousands of resources available so find them and educate yourself.
4. Know What You Want. How are you ever going to find WHO you want, if you don’t even know WHAT you want? The very things you found you didn’t like in your first spouse or partner should be an automatic deal breaker if found in a new relationship. Ask yourself, why would I ever date the same type of person I just divorced? I understand that no one will ever be perfect, but what you’re looking for is NOT perfection but it’s your “type” of perfection. Even if it’s as simple as saying this—This time around I want a more outgoing person, or a kinder, more loving, or more supporting person. Then begin looking for this “Type” and never settle for anything less.
5. Go Out and Get It! Once you know what you want, then go out and get it, no excuses! How come you’ll shop all over town for that perfect something you want to buy—you’ll compare prices, visit multiple stores; even go online, right?–but you won’t even leave your house to find the love of your life? That doesn’t make any sense does it? After all, they’re not going to crawl out of your TV set! So have fun with the search! Les Brown the famous motivational speaker says, “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we’re too busy living our fears.” So stop being afraid and prepare yourself for meeting the right one. You deserve it! Most importantly, PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE AND GO GET THEM!
Always remember happily ever after begins and ends with you, period! Your future spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend will never complete you like in a Hollywood movie. Instead of worrying about who the right one will be for you, start working on becoming the same type of person you’d wish to be married to. This way you’ll certainly be prepared when you finally do meet “The One”; even if it’s for the second time.
Further Reading:
