5 Ways to rebuild your self esteem after your divorce
I know what you’re thinking: Whose gonna ever love me again now that I’m divorced? Am I good enough, hot enough, in shape enough, young enough to ever find somebody again? Believe me, there’s not a divorced person alive who hasn’t asked themselves these questions. It’s very normal to doubt yourself in the beginning stages of your divorce, after all you just went through what could be described as the most traumatic thing you will ever experience romantically. With it, the natural sting of rejection, or even a more accurate emotion; the sting of failure has naturally brought your self esteem down to an all time low. Enter stage right, perfectly on cue I might add, that little voice of self doubt nagging in your ear. You know the one, we’ve all heard it… whispering a steady stream of insults designed to bring you down lower and lower and …….Here’s the thing, it’s all a load of BS!-Stop listening to it! Time for you to have a divorced self esteem reset!
I’m happy to report to you that they are around 7 billion people in this world. Of that number, 3.5 billion are of the opposite sex and around 1.4 billion of those are single! That’s 1.4 billion people of all ages, shapes and sizes, colors and personalities who are looking for someone just like you. It’s absurd to think that you’ll never find someone else or even worse, thinking you’ll never find any one better than your Ex. (which when you come to think of it how ridiculous is that statement? If your Ex was that great wouldn’t your marriage had not ended the way it did?) Still not convinced? Here are 5 ways to help you rebuild your self esteem after divorce:
1. Join the gym. I don’t care how out of shape or self conscious you are. The gym is the most perfect place for you to be post divorce. Joining the gym gets you out of the house and into a social setting. It will also help you fight the boredom of just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. (Yes, I know I did this to:). Plus the extra benefits of getting in shape, losing weight and all the pluses associated with looking and feeling your best don’t have to be explained in this post. There’s really no excuses for not joining the gym or at the very minimum beginning some sort of exercise routine even if it’s just walking or jogging in the park. I often see the cutest elderly couple at my local gym. He lifts her onto the machines from her walker and she does her 5 or 10 lbs sets, sometimes with no weights at all. I love it when she looks in the mirror trying to find any sign of progress and he brags on her telling her how much better she looks. If they can do it in their 80’s, then so can you! No more excuses. I promise you’ll soon love it and start looking forward to going.
2. Eat right. OK, I know there’s nothing better than sitting on your sofa with a soon-to-be empty bag of chips watching your favorite TV show. However junk food, chocolate, pop, sweets and idle time; these are never a healthy combo and all are silent killers to your self esteem. This is especially true post divorce as you step on the scales and see the fruits of your non-labor. Doctors have now proven that the reasons we gain weight has less to do with the amount of calories we consume and more to do with your metabolic rate slowing down over time. When you were young you could eat thousands of calories a day, right?– and nothing, no weight gain or ill effects. That’s because your metabolic rate was so high but as we age our metabolic rate slows down and we steadily gain weight throughout our adult years. (Funny how every little thing can kill a brain cell, but a fat cell–you can’t even stomp one of those things to death!:) The answer is to reset your metabolic rate simply by stop eating anything processed (junk food) and start eating healthy natural foods that our bodies were designed to eat in the first place. Try to eat healthy for a month. You’ll be amazed at the weight loss. I promise you it will be better than any diet you’ve ever tried.
3. Find you again. Chances are you’ve forgotten yourself throughout the years of your marriage, especially if you had kids and their life became yours. Finding who you are again is so vital to your divorce recovery. Now’s the time to re-discover your interests and your passions. You should know from your divorce that living for someone else will never make you happy, so it’s time to start living for you and fall in love with yourself again.
4. Volunteer. I believe the greatest pleasure in life is helping others. If post divorce you find yourself having extra time on your hands, think about volunteering at places like the YMCA , Big Brothers/Sisters or helping with great organizations like the Boy/Girl Scouts, or even coach the local youth leagues; these are all excellent places to consider placing your time. If you are person of faith, church is another place that will welcome your volunteer service with open arms. Any talents that you have can always be used to help others. I personally knew a lady who loved to cook. Hating cooking for one after her divorce, she decided to cook meals for the elderly on Friday nights. She found such joy in seeing their faces light up as she walked through the door. Any talent like this you have put it to service to make someone’s life better. One of the biggest blessings of my adult life was when my child (she was 4 at the time) went into the hospital for a minor procedure (major one to me!). When I came to see her, I noticed she was holding on tight to a handmade doll. One of the nurses told me that a local lady makes them by hand each week for the children staying there. My daughter still has it today. So find ways to volunteer your time and your talents, you’ll never know what an impact it will have not only on someone else, but on you as well.
5. Get back into life again. For self esteem purposes we’re going to take a little challenge right now. It’s called the “There’s nobody in my town to date” challenge. You may know it by another name, the “All the good ones are taken” challenge. Have you been guilty of saying this statement before? OK, let’s prove that little nagging voice in your head wrong mathematically, ready? Here it is:
Estimate the population of the area you live in within a 30 minute circle from your home address. Once you have that number, divide by 2 giving you the population of those who are of the opposite sex as you. Next divide that number by 2 again since around 50 percent of that number will be married or coupled. Next times that by .35 giving you the number of single people within your age range. Pretty big number right? Stop making excuses and get out there!!
Your self esteem has been waiting for you to come back! So stop listening to your inner voice and start realizing that you are unique and special, and when the time is right someone will introduce themselves to your life because they see how wonderful your are. But for now work on being the most perfect version of yourself you can be for that someone. After all, we often are waiting for that “perfect” person; that perfect someone should be YOU first!
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